Very Funny Pics

Woman say: They know how to walk with higheel...

Let me see if you wont laugh...

Man vs Woman in Technology

Men are like Bluetooth: He is connected to you when you are nearby, but searches for other devices when you are away...Women are like Wi-Fi: She sees all available devices but connects to the strongest one...

This is a gyus response to girls

Girls chase bad guys hoping they can change them into good guys. But when it doesn't happen and they get hurt, they say all guys are the same. But what happened to the actual good guys? They are taken for granted and labeled with the bad guys.

woman say that men are:

I never married because there was no need.  I have 3 pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband.  I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

Quoted By Marie Corelli


What women want:  To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held.  What men want:  Tickets to the World Series.             

Quoted By Dave Barry, Humor Columnist, Miami Herald

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

Quoted By Rita Rudner


I never married because there was no need.  I have 3 pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband.  I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

Quoted By Marie Corelli

A good man doesn't just happen.

A good man doesn't just happen.  They have to be created by us women.  A guy is a lump, like a doughnut.  So first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him.  And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap they pick up from beer commercials.  And then there's my personal favorite...the male ego.             

Quoted By Roseanne Barr

Women rule the world

Women rule the world.  It's not really worth fighting because they know what they're doing.  Ask Napoleon.  Ask Adam.  Ask Richard Burton or Richie Sambora.  Many a man has crumbled.

Quoted By Quoted By Jon Bon Jovi

Woman to man

There are some men who, in a spirit of arrogance, think they are superior to women. They do not seem to realize that they would not exist but for the mother who gave them birth. When they assert their superiority they demean her.

African Stupid tradition

LOL

This is what I call eating...

Good enough, very very bad English speaker!!! Again

Good enough, very very bad English speaker!!!

Bro.Franklin rejoicing to put his offering...

Drinks

UMqombothi was found dead today by Juba at SAVANNAH street near CASTLE in RED SQUARE centre. His wife HENNESY & their two sons HANSA & AMSTEL have been crying under the MARULA tree since then. HEINEKEN thinks he was killed by HUNTERS who shot him with STRONG BOW. His FOUR COUSINS confirmed he was coming from club J&B in MELLOWWOOD on 4TH STREET. It appears that he had an affair with Mr HUNTERS wife SARITA. She also feared for her life & moved to NEDERBERG. CAPTAIN MORGAN is still investigating this case but evidence points that Mr JC LeROUX is also a suspect. The funeral will be at KLIPDRIFT performed by pastor FISH EAGLE as soon as the church BELLS ring tomorrow. We hope JAMESON & his wife NAMAQUA will arrive on time. They have to fly over TWO OCEANS to get here.

Hi, This is a good one! LOL

Hi, This is a good one! LOL

Don't let your family get to this point, This is a big addiction.

Don't let your family get to this point, This is a big addiction. 

Some of them don't even die, they just go offline.

FEMALE GEOGRAPHY

FEMALE GEOGRAPHY   Between 18 and 25 A woman is like Africa :     Wild, naturally       beautiful and full of mysterious, fertile   deltas. Between 26 and 34  A woman is like       America: Well-developed and open for trade, especially for those     with stacks of money. Between 35 and 44  A woman is like India : Sensual, relaxed, in full bloom, aware of her beauty. Between 45 and 54  A woman is like France : Deliciously mature, still a pleasant destination to visit. Between 55 and 60  A woman is like     Yugoslavia : A lost war, haunted by the mistake s of the past. Major reconstruction work is mostly the only answer. Between 61 and 65  A woman is like     Russia : Vast with undefined frontiers. The cold climate puts off any potential visitors. Between 66 and 70  A woman is like  Mongolia : A glorious past, great conquests, but without a future. After 70  A woman is like Afghanistan or the  north pole: Many know its whereabouts, but no one dares to venture there...... MALE GEOGRAPHY Sorry guys.... Between 15 and 90: A man is like Zimbabwe : Ruled by a dick.....

The Husband Store

The Husband Store 

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch....... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! 

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. 

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: 

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord. 

The second floor sign reads: 

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.. 

The third floor sign reads: 

Floor 3 - These men have =2 jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.. 

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. 

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: 

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. 

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' 

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: 

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: 

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day! 

WICOE (Women In Charge Of Everything) announces:

WICOE 
(Women In Charge Of Everything) 

Is proud to announce the opening of its

EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!OPEN TO MEN ONLY
ALL ARE WELCOME

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include: 

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practising with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; 
DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK
OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts. 

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place
Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming -
Open forum 


DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS;
DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH;
BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY
AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS;
BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN
YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES
& CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT;
LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counsellors available

Angry Husband

After a fight, the angry husband is not satisfied with his wife& sends an sms to his mother-in-law:

"Your product is not matching my requirements"

Reply from smart mother-in-law:

"Warranty expired, manufacturer not responsible
after seal is broken".

STANDARD BANK now finances LOBOLA (Bride price).

STANDARD BANK now finances LOBOLA (Bride price).

Marry on credit and pay back on monthly installment basis.
Failure to pay starts the usual bank repossession process, they sell the wife on auction as a 2nd hand to recoup their losses.

Most guys are going for this new trend as it makes divorce much easier and cheap.
If you don't want her anymore, simply miss a payment and she's gone!
STANDARD BANK : Making life Simpler, Better, Faster!...

10 Most Embarrassing Celebrity Wardrobe Malfunctions

10 Most Embarrassing Celebrity Wardrobe Malfunctions


Sometimes accidents just happen. Whether you're of the accident-prone regular folk kind or a famous Hollywood star, no one can escape the inevitable awkward moments that life is sure to send your way. Thankfully for us in the former category, the whole world isn't watching us 24/7 to capture any embarrassing moments on film. The celebrity world isn't so lucky, especially when it comes to wardrobe malfunctions.
Countless celebs have been caught displaying their bare essentials on camera for all the world to see. And while some stars (like Madonna) prefer to take theinfamous nip slip factor into their own hands, others have had it happen completely without their consent. So in honor of Madonna's voluntary dare-to-bare moment, here's a look back at ten of the most embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions of all time that were purely unintentional.

1. Janet Jackson's Super Bowl MishapThe mother of all celebrity wardrobe malfunctions. Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake took the stage for the 2004 Super Bowl Halftime Show and ended up exposing quite a bit more than their raw musical talent after Timberlake tore off a piece of Jackson's costume, accidentally exposing her right breast to millions of football fans worldwide. And so, Nipplegate (complete with an FCC meltdown) was born — making it the one year where the commercials were less intriguing than the actual game.
2. Tara Reid Let's Things SlideThe American Pie actress took the "messy partygoer" to a whole new level when she fully exposed her breast on the red carpet of P. Diddy's 35th birthday bash in 2004. Uh, Tara....those straps are supposed to go on your shoulders, not elbows. Also, what the heck was going on in 2004?!

3. Nicki Minaj's 'Good Morning' Wake Up CallDuring a performance of Good Morning America in 2011, Minaj decided to give the crowd quite an eyeful by indecently exposing her left breast for all the world to see. It was (or wasn't, depending upon your view of things) a good morning, after all.

4. Jennifer Lopez's Academy Award Slip UpThere's still much debate about whether a nip slip actually occurred or not, but this 2012 Oscar incidentreceived so much attention it'd feel wrong not to include it on the list. I don't care how confident you are or how used to the press you may be — when your breast gets its own Twitter account, you are totally allowed to be embarrassed. And also, somewhat flattered.


5. Geri Halliwell Spices Up Our LivesThe former Spice Girls star accidentally showed off her derriere at the British Children's Awards Show when a huge gust of wind blew her way. I think it's safe to say that after this moment, everyone would wannabethis girl's lover.
6. Keira Knightley Gets A Little Too Pride and PrejudiceThe British actress accidentally showcased more of her assets than she meant to when her left breast decided to make an appearance at the New York premiere of Pride and Prejudice in 2005.


7. Lindsay Lohan Goes UndercoverIt seems the troubled star can't even make a comeback without having some slip up occur. While filming on the set of Liz & Dick, Lohan suffered at the hands of a nip slip on June 5. And while this incident had to be a somewhat embarrassing moment for the actress, we all know she's certainly experienced worse.
8. Emma Watson Feels Under the WeatherApparently, there are some things that even a magical spell can't help prevent: like the weather, for instance. At the 2009 premiere of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, the actress (who was only 21 at the time), found it difficult to cover up as the strong winds managed to blow her gown wide open, making her flash her undergarments at hundreds of adoring fans. It could have been worse though — she could have been wearing no underwear at all.

9. Lady Gaga Gets On the Edge...of InappropriateGiven this singer's rather eccentric (and equally revealing) wardrobe choices, it's no surprise Gaga's experienced several indecent exposures during her time in the spotlight. Like when she exposed her upper-body bits at the CFDA Fashion Awards in June 2011. This would probably rank a little higher on our list if it hadn't happened so many times before. We can't really fault her for it, though — she was just born this way.


10. Taylor Swift Goes MarilynThe country singer experienced her very own Marilyn Monroe moment during a concert last year when the bottom of her dress flew up, exposing her granny-looking underwear to thousands of screaming fans. But being the true professional that she is, the perpetually giggly Swift managed to laugh it off and carried on with her performance.

http://www.hollywood.com/news/10_Most_Embarrassing_Celebrity_Wardrobe_Malfunctions/30438176

Wise decisions

Wise decisions
Thieves entered the Cathedral of Lisbon and stole all the money from the cash donations. The church council met and made a decision:
- Let's put the box of gifts high off the ground so that no one can steal it.
Decision making, box installed. Very high.
The days passed and they found out that no one else would put donations in the box. We know the reason and found that: the box was too high and nobody could reach it. The church council met again and made a decision:
- Let's build a stairway to the height of the box.
__________________________

The Wretched

The Wretched
Clinton, Castro and Mugabe are condemned to death. Comes time to shoot Clinton. The platoon is ready with guns drawn when he cries:
- Tornado! Here comes a tornado!
Everyone runs to save himself and the execution is canceled.
It's time for Fidel. The firing squad is formed. All are with guns drawn when Fidel shouts:
- Earthquake! Look at the earthquake!
Everyone runs to save himself and the execution is canceled.
It was Mugabe's turn, the platoon is formed. The commander is about to give the order to shoot when Mugabe shouts:
- Fire! .....

Stupid idea

The Well
And Manuel and Joaquim, two Portuguese, were digging a well and the sand was pilling up outside. They Interrupted the service and were thinking what to do.
- What do we do with this sand Joachim?
After some thought, Manuel had an idea:
- It's easy. Lets dig a hole and buried it.
And the we can continue working.

LOL CHINESE CLIENT

The Chinese found on the street one of these women who claim to live an easy life and negotiated:
- How much?
- R50, outside the room.
- I will pay R100, but you come to my apartment and I pay me give you many as I want, ok?
She looked at the skinny Chinese, thought he could not get more than two and nodded.
They went to his apartment and the Chinese went once. Once out of bed, did stretching, bending, breathing exercises, ran into the kitchen, came back and took another. Over, got out of bed, did stretching, bending, breathing exercises, ran into the kitchen, came back and took another. And this was repeated until there is the twelfth time the woman was already half tired and to regain her strength, resolved to do as the Chinese: get out of bed, did stretching, bending, breathing exercises, ran into the kitchen and found there more than 20 Chinese, all naked, lined up waiting for their turn.

Modernity

Modernity
An Arab sheikh is in hospital and a friend will visits him.
- What happened? - Asks the friend.
- Is this modernity.I  Blame that damned Westernization of our country, this influence of the Americans. We have lived far better days.
- I do not see why you complain. You are very rich, you have your palaces, your luxury cars, you subjects respect you, and your forty-five beautiful wives at your disposal.
- The biggest problem is the American films. Imagine that yesterday they were showing one of these films on television. In the film, there was a husband who came home late at night and his wife gave him a beating with a wooden roller. Well, when I got home today early in the morning all my wives were waiting for me with a wooden roller. They gave me forty-five blows and all because of those damned Americans.

FUNNY THINGS PEOPLE DO AFTER DRINKING:

FUNNY THINGS PEOPLE DO AFTER DRINKING:

Talk rubbish: This is one of the most common things that people do in a drunken state. As you are high, you do not know how to have control over your boneless tongue. You talks rubbish and take out whatever is on your mind and heart. Sometimes, friends or close ones try to make you high so that you speak from your heart.

Sing aloud: While some feel that they are actors or rich people, there are few who become singers after drinking. Be it a house party or a booze party in pub, listening to music while drinking can be funny after you are high. When you are drunk, the song keeps playing in your mind and you will end up singing the song out loud.

Fight: You can't control your body when you are drunk, but you will fight if the situation changes. Fight can be plain or ugly. Your friend might say something that you will not like and, in this drunken state, you pick up a small friendly fight or simply yell at your friend. You take it in a funny way because nothing is intentional.

Sleep on the floor: When alcohol shows its effect, your body becomes too heavy to carry. As the brain function slows down, you feel dizzy and tired. This is why, you fall on the floor and sleep within minutes. This is one of the funny things people do after drinking, Dealing with such activity becomes easier when compared to talking rubbish in drunken state and handling your friend in that situation.

Drink more: When you get drunk, you feel like drinking to live in that present moment. For example, you are boozing to get over a sad issue or a break up. You love the feeling after getting drunk and forget everything. Suddenly you recollect your issue and start drinking more without listening to people around you.

Call ex: When you are drunk, you speak from your heart. You miss good things and wish to take revenge for the bad things that occurred in your life. Calling your ex is funny because, you speak rubbish as you are drunk!

Kiss a friend: Alcohol is an aphrodisiac. When you are drunk, your drive might increase and make you kiss your friend. The funniest thing is, kissing a friend of the same gender! lol

Which funny thing have you done in a drunken state?

21 Things Women Need To Know About Men

21 Things Women Need To Know About Men

1. Understand that we don't give a shit about clothes. Yours or ours. All we need is one pair of work shoes and one pair of church shoes.

2. Don't talk to us when the television is on. Very simple. Television off, we talk. Television on, we don't talk.

3. Ditto that for the computer.

4. If you can't be bothered to take an interest in what we like to do, don't expect us to give a rat's ass about what you want to do.

5. Don't ask us how many other women we've slept with. You don't want to know.

6. Don't ask us what we're thinking. Men can think about nothing for hours.

7. Don't tell us how many other men you have slept with.

8. Don't try and be subtle, just say what's on your mind and be honest.

9. Stop bitching about us leaving the seat up, ok? Is ANYTHING involving the bathroom important enough to argue over? No.

10. Men are stupid. We do stupid things. This will never change, so don't try to force it, just learn to live with it.

11. Not all men like sports and cars.

12. A lot more men than you might believe think that Pamela Anderson is a nasty ho.

13. There is nothing wrong with your breasts. We love ALL breasts, including yours.

14. Don't ask a guy to go down on you unless you would do the same for him.

15. Slap your husband/boyfriend if he keeps bugging you about having a threesome with a friend of yours. Shitbags like that give the rest of us a bad name.

16. Don't ask us what we think about other women unless you REALLY want to know.

17. Don't try to get us to set our best friends up with your overweight girlfriend. He wouldn't do it to me, and I won't do it to him.

18. Don't try and find answers to what men want in magazines like Cosmo, just ask us.

19. Don't be surprised if we don't know what we want.

20. Don't try and tell us what we want.

21. If you wouldn't watch the action movie with us, then don't ask us to go to the chick flick with you.

From:  http://www.funny.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/Funny.woa/wa/funny?fn=C5TXG&Funny_Jokes=21_Things_Women_Need_To_Know_About_Men

50 THINGS MEN WISH WOMAN KNEW...

50 THINGS MEN WISH WOMAN KNEW...

1. First -- Men don't say "I love you" for any other reason than women are word junkies and the spoken word "love" is like a drug. Women are about having words used on them to soothe their lives and make them feel prominent.
2. Men using the microphone is a personal technique to make ourselves understand that we are still in control of ourselves and that we can get the most feeling of our testosterone from ourselves.
3. Next to hunting, war and building our cities - Women are incubators for us to ensure we continue as the leading animal on this planet and that we are indeed here to conquer the planet and all things on it.
4. Men don't like talking to women about the innermost thoughts that men have because we are blood thirsty mongrels making life happen on the planet. No more or less. Just simple animalistic instincts to survive. 
5. Men don't need relationships with women for any other reason than to satisfy our testeronal drives and to know they have our backsides at home.
6. Man's best friend is another man. We thrive on information that we can give each other and how to make better use of our time and techniques in doing war against the laws and physics of life and death and eventually each other.
7. In the minds of "Real Men" the perfect woman is one that obeys, honors, has children, raises those children, stays forever faithful, gives time to her man to go and do battle and hunt or explore the universe trying to find new places to conquer and live if we need to move on. If now and then that includes some offshore drilling -- well, that's mother nature doing her job and women should know it's our makeup - they created and mothered us to have those instincts.
8. A man wants his woman that he can sit down with and know and trust that she has taken a good hard look at life and the world around us and with some common sense and intellectual deduction come to have words to give her man that is so down to the basics of survival that it is the same as if god has spoken. With that knowledge the man can then rightly assume his position on the Battlefield Planet Earth and do what we were created to do -- Conquer, Build and Protect.
9. A Real Woman is the Bright and Shining Star emitting that brilliant energy of a Real Man's "I" that sits in his forehead and gives purpose to all that he does.
10. A Real Woman knows she is the Center of the Universe for her Real Man and will act accordingly to accomplish what we as a species is created to be and Survive in a Universe of Change where all things change and nothing makes it out alive but, by her mothering power and nature as a species we can stay alive.

Read more: http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/things_men_want_from_women/index.php#ixzz1yNNTpely